WHERE WE STAYED: Hotel Circa 39 in south beach. This was more or less a free stay, so no complaints. A trip “won” by slightly fraudulent means.

BEST MEAL: Mojitos on Collins avenue. Does that count? If not, chocolate-covered Key Lime Pie on a stick in Key West.

WILDLIFE ENCOUNTERS: Half-naked sun-worshipers showing off on Ocean Ave (on foot or in ridiculously jacked SUVs), locals and tourists alike.

NATURAL HIGH: Everglades wetlands, including alligator sightings (too-close for my mother’s comfort). Also, the gorgeous drive to Key West along sapphire coasts.

BIZARRO MOMENT: Hearing the roar of a giant cruise-ship in Key West beckoning hordes of passengers home.

HOW COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE SO MANY: Dark-skinned white people.

DON’T MISS: Miami Art Museum in downtown Cultural Centre Plaza with excellent contemporary exhibits; Opa-Locka City Hall, affectionately called “little Baghdad” for its architecture.

EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS? Most definitely. We had low expectations of Florida, home of the world’s retirees.